“Prison Inc.” Crime, Punishment & Big Business

Prisons have always been a place for punishment, justice and for many rehabilitation, but recently they have quietly morphed into a state sanctioned stable of cheap confined labour.

The lines have quietly blurred in the United States surrounding the use of inmates for labour. For decades the state and federal prison system used inmate labour to produce food, and products for the state. These prison industries were well known and socially accepted, people had few quibbles about convicted felons making license plates or desks for schools, as this was seen as a way to, allow the state to produce items that the state and municipalities within the state to procure reasonably priced products. This was also seen as something of rehabilitation and a way to teach trades to inmates who eventually would return to society. Also federal law prohibits state prisons selling products outside of their respective state.

 

Maine As A Model of Prison Industry and Inmate Labour

Take Maine for instance, Maine is a small state with a small prison population, yet they run a large Prison Industry. Inmates in Maine Department of Corrections make a insane variety of goods for sale ranging from Furniture some of which is actually beautiful, to Ship Models and Bird Feeders. Hell they even make clothing like these “Property of Shawshank” Tees.  Maine’s DOC manufacturing allows inmates to pay of their debt to the state and victims by working at a higher wage than most inmates in other states. The Maine DOC program is profitable averaging 1.5 Million a annually and is often referred to as unique to the country. This kind of prison labour is hard to argue against and not only provides a outlet for inmates to pay their debt but also learn a trade and have the self esteem that comes from working a honest job. Maine is the exception, as the truth and trends in prison labour gets much darker and weaves a greasy graft filled stink in the nation’s criminal justice system. This dark exploitive trade in humans run through some of the highest place in government and corporate board rooms across the US.

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“Dealing In Humans” Lobbying & Legislation Inmate Labour

In 1984 the US passed the Comprehensive Crime Control Act, touted as “Getting Tough on Crime” from then POTUS Lord Regan, the CCCA  opened the door to basically use inmates as cheap labour for private industry . Soon mandatory minimum laws were being passed nation wide and the population of prisoners exploded. As more and more non violent offenders were sentenced to mandatory minimum terms in the poky companies began to see a way to exploit these laws for their profits and create a shadow slave trade that was not only legal but wrapped up in a nice tough on crime package that Americans who had grown tired of the insane crime rate of the 70′s and early 80′s would never second guess.

Interestingly the same year  Corrections Corporation of America (CCA) got it’s first contracts to run both Federal and State detention centers. CCA was founded a year earlier as a corporation and the planning started years before and was helped by the Comprehensive Crime Control Act. This was not dumb luck.

CCA was founded by Tom Beasley, Doctor Robert Crants and T. Don Hutto. Tom Beasley is the former chairman of the Tennessee Republican Party, he even once lived in the then Gov of Tennessee’s home. Now Dr. Robert Crants who was Beasley’s college roommate but that is not the weird part. He is not a doctor, not a MD or PHD, his first name is “Doctor”. His mother was poor and afraid of her son’s future so named him Doctor. What kind of woman would do that? And what kind of man would embrace that name and use it for personal gains? Well a man who has no problem dealing in humans as cattle that is who.

CCA today is one of the nations fastest growing companies and is traded on NYSE it now houses almost 90,000 inmates and has used it’s power to lobby state and federal politicians and mostly the GOP to change old laws and make new laws which will lead to more incarcerations of non violent offenders as to create cheap labour for it’s expansion and contracts to run correctional facilities. It also benefits from the increase in inmate population by having more people to pay an average of 32 cents to manufacture goods and contract to other privately own and publicly traded companies. Because why pay free employees min wage when you can use a captive slave labour.

CCA markets inmates like some 20th century slave auction to companies looking to lower labour costs, one of these companies are Walmart.

Wal-Mart uses ALEC’s Prison Industries Act. Under federal legislation, private companies have access to prisoners as a workforce. Thousands of products are made for consumers; from produce to aftermarket auto parts, the list is endless. This allows companies to attach labels reading “Made in USA.” Wal-Mart has tried to hide their use of prison labor for more than two decades by using sub-contractors and cut-outs.

Since 1991, Wal-Mart has been buying produce from a corporation out of Arizona, Martori Farms.

A recent Huffington Post article clearly documents how Martori Farms has been using female prisoners from Arizona’s state prisons as farm workers – for the past 20 years.

“Martori Farms pays its imprisoned laborers two dollars per hour, not including the travel time to and from the farm.” Women from the Arizona state prison complex at Perryville Unit are assigned to work at Martori Farms … These women are “forced” to labor long hours in the blazing sun sometimes without sunscreen, water or adequate food …”

This policy, and the conditions and involvement of Wal-Mart in this kind of slave labor operation is reprehensible and should be criminal. Criminal in that Wal-Mart helped write the laws allowing this kind of exploitation possible. They helped ALEC pass legislation now being used in states that are turning to prisoners to solve labor shortages stemming from the Right to Work and immigration laws. They’ve created a new form of legalized slavery in the U.S.

In several states, such as Georgia, Alabama, Colorado, and Washigton, use prisoners to replace workers.

In Arizona, Lbj Farms uses male inmates to harvest watermelons and perform other farm chores.  Again, inmates working for Lbj are paid $2.00 per hour.

This is so shocking, that U.S. farmers and Wal-Mart would take advantage of prisoners, especially women, and do it in such a clearly abusive manner by forcing them to work under “slave-like” conditions.

Worse yet, both Martori and Lbj are recipients of federal subsidies. ($7,136,972 to Martori and $558,543 to Lbj Farms).

In 2005, Wal-Mart was taking advantage of a different kind of prison labor – using prisoners in place of private sector workers in Wisconsin as they built a huge distribution center in Beaver Dam.

 

Fear of Brown People and other  Asshattery  to Partake in Legal Human Trafficking

Laws from Arizona’s controversial “Papers Please” law to newer tougher sentencing for weed and other non violent crime  are almost exclusively financed by the private prison industry. CCA spent millions in Arizona and other states which they have facilities and contracts in to expand more aggressive sentencing. These laws have little or nothing to do with Immigration and have everything to do with cheap, controlled and exploited prison labour. Hell why pay a migrant worker or High School drop out minimum wage when you can pay an inmate 34 cents a hour?  CCA operates 6 private prisons in Arizona alone, and other states like Alabama, Louisiana and others which are passing new immigration laws and stricter sentencing by Republican Tebagger elected officials who open their pockets to these slave traders.

The Private prison industry made over  $9 Billion dollars last year alone, shareholders got rich, politicians got elected and humans were incarcerated for their profits and bottom line.  This is the most disgusting side of Capitalism run amok and un checked. This is part of fallout of the Citizen’s united case, this is slavery and destruction of human lives with record profits. These companies have no problems destroying the lives of people who are marginalized so they can buy another faction home.

Slavery is alive and well folks, it is wrapped up nice and pretty and washed with lies about crime and punishment.

 

 

Google Chromebook a Review of My Acer C-7

  Three days ago I received a Acer C-7 Chromebook as a much needed Birthday gift as my laptop was dying. Many of you have either never heard of Chromebook, or thought meh it is not a real computer, but like many of us life on the web and cloud does justify and validate these efficient and affordable laptops.  

 WTF is a Chromebook?

  Chromebook is a laptop and now desktops which run on Google’s Chrome OS. Chrome OS is a browser based OS which uses chrome to run web apps, and surf the net. So every app runs within the chrome browser. This means a few things;

• To fully take advantage of a chromebook it must be connected to the internet.
• Chromebook leverage’s Google services like, Docs, Gmail, Google + and more.
• Built for the Cloud.
• Thousands of Free Apps in the Chrome Store

. 

What Chromebook is Not!

• It is not a powerhouse graphics machine like a Macbook Pro.
• Not a gaming machine.
• Not a device if you do not use any google products.

My Experience So Far?

Utlrabooks are the trend in laptops, these ultra-thin, ultra-light computers are easy to carry have better battery life than traditional laptops. So think of the chromebook as a ultrabook alternative.   It is fast, very fast, as there are no other things it needs to do but run the browser, so all the CPU power goes to power one service basically. I was amazed at the quick boot time as the Acer has a 320 gig HHD unlike the 5 second boot of the small 16 gig Samsung SSD. I also chose the acer because the drive can be upgraded if I choose to a SSD or larger HHD, also the Acer will be able to upgrade from the installed 4 gigs of RAM to a whopping 16gigs if I wanted to. So this is only as slow as your internet connection speed. 

  Setup was as easy as opening the lid which turns it on and logging into your google account. When you buy a Chromebook now you get 2 years of 100 gig google drive storage, which is a $170 savings if you are already using the cloud. The screen on the Acer is also nicer than the Samsung IMHO, it is glossy as compared to the matte screen on the Sammy, but it is also more vibrant. 

  It took me all of one hour to learn the OS which says a lot, there is almost no transition hangover, if you use chrome on your own computer then you know what you are doing. It immediately synced with my other computer’s chrome and updated all my bookmarks, passwords and everything. So far I am not missing anything from my traditional laptop except “Skype” which does not run on chrome as Microsoft has not made a Web based version yet. But I am sure that will come. I will use skype on my phone instead so no big loss. 

Should I Get a Chromebook?

Yes, simply yes, if you use google services like google apps and spend most of your time in a web based environment than you will miss nothing. If you are a graphic designer or hardcore gamer than not so much. Chromebook will work for 75% of the people who use a laptop and that is great considering they start at just over $230. 

But I Use Photoshop and MS Office, what will I do?

Most of use are not professional photogs and Google Chrome Store offers great free alternatives to these, Pixlr Editor is almost Photoshop or you can say Photoshop for the rest of us and Google Docs is great. 

Ubuntu Bitches!!

The Acer C-7 will also duel boot into Ubuntu if you need the full monty PC experiences which removes any of the shortcomings of Chrome OS. And the setup is easy. Just checkout Crobutu

Acer Chromebook Specs:

• 11.6’’ (1366×768) display
• 1 inch thin – 3 lbs / 1.4 kg
• Up to 4 hours of battery1
• Dual-core Intel® Celeron® Processor
• 2 gigs RAM
• 100 GB Google Drive Cloud Storage2 with 320 GB Hard Disk Drive

• Dual band Wi-Fi 802.11 a/b/g/n and 10/100/Gigabit Ethernet
• HD Camera
• 3x USB 2.0
• 1x HDMI Port, 1x VGA port
• 2-in-1 memory card slot (SD, MMC)

 

 

 

Here is the skinny on where my life sits

It may just seem to many of you that it is just a bricked cell phone I am bitching about today, when it is more than that, it is just broken cog in my current life with way too many broken cogs.

I was once successful and independent, I had a career in which I made a lot of money and had freedom but like a line of dominos once one fell other would topple in time and a series of events left me where I am today and many have little clue where that is.

Almost 8 years ago my wife and best friend was taken from me by cancer, this was the first jenga piece to go. I floundered emotionally for years but still managed to keep my career intact. I just closed myself off to the world and people for a while. I left everything and moved to Vancouver to escape my pain. Only to find out almost four years ago that I too have cancer. I would be lucky if this cancer would have just taken my life at that point but no. It just is slowly taking my mobility and it throws in chronic pain and repeated and mulitple surgeries. Though this I try to manage my depression, sometimes it works other times it does not.

My cancer took my career away which was my life and my calling, more than a job it was my vocation. That is bad enough but It relegated me to a life of poverty. My  disability barely gets me through the month. I can allow myself maybe one or two nights out a month or maybe a new shirt or pants. Or if I am lucky a few dinners out. Then I am back to one meal a day til my next check comes.

I try and stay upbeat and make the best of it, I go out and take pictures with my cell phone camera which became a hobby, as I cannot afford a good stand alone camera. My finances are not great my disability caused me to choose paying bills like credit cards or food. I chose food, now my credit stinks.

I have not been back east to visit my friends in years, and I miss them. Hell I have not had a vacation in years. Still I try and be upbeat. I have had three spine surgeries in 3 years, still I try and be up beat.

I lost my best friend this year because I am too crazy, and I cannot even date because I am too poor.  I try and stay upbeat.

When I got the phone that is now bricked I was happy, I had something new and nice, I finally had some tech that was not cheap crap and it at times gave me reason to leave the house for photos and just walks with music because I could not afford much else.

It was a big part of what I felt was my next chance, my way out of this my new website. Now it is gone.

So my whining may sound trivial to those who need not worry if they can afford to even socialize with other people. But I have been through enough, and have nothing else to give.

I am finally beaten down, resigned to not allowing myself to dream anymore because if something as simple as a cellphone can bring me to my knees that I have such little to offer anyone including myself,

Even in these years of struggle I have always offered myself and my friendship to those in need often putting my own needs behind theirs. Only in some cases to be thrown away when my usefulness was outweighed by my problems. So I may even be done helping others too. Best I can hope for is to fade away. I know there are very few people here who would notice anyway.

Just remember when people vent or so called “Self Pity” sometimes what brought them there may not be what you thought.

“Pecked To Death By The Ducks Of Pain”

On the eve of my third spinal surgery I wanted to discuss pain and how pain works to erode your emotional health, your self esteem and general sanity. Anyone who has been in pain can relate to discussions on how pain attacks you on a almost sociopathic  level. But chronic pain, pain for which there is no end in sight or even in a owl’s sight operates in a field of operation which is so off the non chronic pain reservation that really only those who live with it can grasp.

I will start with a definition of Chronic Pain: Chronic Pain; ”pain that extends beyond the expected period of healing.”

For most people, lets say you twist a ankle or break a finger, this fucking hurts and I will not deny that but your mind knows and even the pain knows that as you heal and you will the pain will subside and eventually go away. Now imagine waking each day in pain, knowing that it will not heal nor go away, that once you are able to fall asleep if you can sleep, when you wake it will be there again, and again, and again. It is a sadistic version of the film “Groundhog Day”.

 My pain is a pain and not just in the ass.

I have a couple specific types of pain which have taken up residence in my body. Bone, Nerve and Muscle. A trifecta of torture as you will. The constant for me, like my shadow or herpes never goes away this would be my Nerve Pain.

This nerve pain never ceases, it does ebb and flow like the tides, or more like a storm surge. It is a burning pain, it feels like some one or something is threading a string of acid through my lower back spine and legs. This burning becomes more intense as I am more active, it never stops it just fades in manageability.  It is the most soul crushing of my pain for that reason. I will not do things or attend events, because of it. It will end a good day for me in a heartbeat and let me know when it peaks that I will probably be useless for the next day or two. It also comes with weakness and lose of balance. After a couple of days or a week of this I am a shell of who I normally am. It invades my mental and emotional health. Some and all of the the skills I have learned to manage my emotional health are gone, turned off like a switch reversing me into the emotional mess normally associated with my Borderline Personality Disorder. I cease being the person I want to be because the pain builds a wall between myself and my emotions and mocks me from the other side of the fence.

Bone Pain:  My cancer grows bone at a faster rate than normal bone cells. Basically my bone cells are on Meth and rioting on my spine. I have bone growing against bone, rubbing and scraping. On good days it feels like a broken bone, on bad ones….Like my pelvis is being crushed between two trucks, leaving me doubled over or uneven to be able to roll over in my bed or sit in a chair. Imagine not being able to work because you cannot sit in a office chair for more than a hour at a time. Or feeling like someone is drilling holes in your pelvis and back. This will run with it’s pal Nerve Pain at the same time, they are cruel friends.

Muscle Pain: Not the daily schoolyard buddy of Nerve & Bone, Muscle is a reactive pain. When the other two are on a tear they pick up muscle who like a typical musclehead is dumb. In my case it come in the forms from general soreness like you were kicked by a mule or Sarah Jessica Parker to full on muscle spasms, pulling at tweaking at the bone and nerves in concert and rhythm with them  the effects of this are not being able to stand up straight or a stream of twitching pain which dances over my whole back like a dancer.

So those are my types of chronic pain, tomorrows surgery will  reduce 75%  of these and offer me a great deal of relief. That is until the bone grows again, once more pressing on nerves and forcing bone to bone grating.  My mood will return to normal, my emotions will once again become manageable and my quality of life will return.

People will ask me why I am a wreck at times emotionally, how with all the therapy I have done and progress I have made can these do these things to me. Put yourself in my shoes for a minute, imagine not knowing if you will have a good day or the worst day of your pain life. Think about not making plans with people because you cannot sit in a car, or going to work because you cannot stand up for long. Then add in the isolation, the endless days not only in the above pain, but having no meaningful human contact sometimes for a week or two at a time. I have gone days without even talking to another human being. When the pain is too severe I do not even want to talk to people. Add these to the soon to appear feelings of loss and isolation, blended with loss of self esteem because you feel useless and non productive. Or the weeks sometimes you are unable to clean your apartment because you cannot bend over or you are afraid that any physical activity like bending and twisting will bring on the above three monsters. \

I am not only suffering from the pain but also the psychological effects of the pain and the knowledge that it may never end, that you may never be useful again or of any value. Then try to understand when I am acting nuts. What many do not see is that for a big part of this I handle this better than most could.  I try to manage with humor and when I can grace, I try to get out of my own head when I can.  Next you would think pain meds can change all of this, well they help but they are mind numbing, leaving me at times a drooling mess who resembles a meat puppet more than Steven. So if I am short with you, or isolating, if I seem mentally not well think of the above and put yourself in my shoes for a moment.  I am looking forward to this surgery as it will return to me, myself and a life. I will also need a fourth surgery on a different region of my spine in Feb but this area has yet to inflict the kind of suffering as my lower spine has. I should be the Steven that I like and one that is actually fun to be around. Not the Steven who’s pain leaves him feeling less than and not worth anyone’s time or compassion.

Chronic Pain is like being pecked to death by ducks, evil angry zombie ducks and it takes compassion, patience and understanding from others in order for the suffer to feel like they deserve to live, it can and does eat away at the core of a person in ways that nothing else does and the effects outside of the physical are understood by even fewer.

The Truth About Pet Food & How Chub Chub Stopped Pooping Rivers of Feces

Miss Chub Chub

Since I adopted Chub Chub the wonder kitteh a little over a year ago she has suffered from poop issues. She was always a picky eater, liking one food one month and then turning her nose up at the same food the next. Her previous people fed her like shit, I equate it to feeding your kid nothing but crappy fast food every day for years. It takes it toll and on her it showed in a few ways. Her coat was dull and she created enough dandruff to make her look like the end scene from “Scarface”. She also lacked energy, and would loaf more than most cats, so much so that I thought about renaming her Rip Van Winkle or getting her DNA tested to see if she was part Sloth.

I tried multiple foods, some would help her coat, but leave her a meowing liquid poo machine. At her worst she had diarrhea for a month. Which not only smelled like well cat shit, it would run down her furry ass. Nothing worse than watching your cat lick the poop out of her fur, there is no way she enjoyed that. It was beginning to look like “One Kitteh One Cup” all up in my place. I was also getting worried her energy was getting worse and worse. So I took her to our amazing Vet, and right away the Vet said, “Gluten Allergy”, Chub Chub was being killed by Wheat induced squirts.

Not All Cat Food is Alike

Nom, Nom, Nom, Meow!

There are many cat foods, from the virtual prison food cum Cat Big Mac like friskies or even worse, what her previous humans were feeding her “President’s Choice” which to you non Canadians is a no frills brand. You also have the “Vet Prescription” foods which are a huge scam (More on that below).  You can also find a boat load of “Organic” or “Natural” foods, some of which are fantastic others are Organic Washing and are still crap made from mostly fillers or grains. I then tried a gluten free food called “Now Fresh” by Petcurian.   Petcurian is a local BC based natural pet food company (They make great dog food as well) That uses locally sourced human grade ingredients. Some of the ingredients are 100% FRESH turkey, salmon, duck and 100% fresh Omega 3 & 6 oils from coconuts and canola, berries, fruits and herbs such as broccoli, peas, blueberries, pumpkin, spinach, kelp, cranberries, alfalfa sprouts,and lentils. Who would not eat this! Best of all no “Grains”!!  

Best part of this switch is Chub Chub loves it, actually loves it. So much so that now there is a risk with free feeding and there never was one before. Also Poo river is dried up, not only that but her stools are smaller, due to less filler and more digestible protein and veg. A bonus of this is that litter lasts longer as there is way, way less poop. Her coat is amazing and silky. The most interesting thing is her energy level. Chub Chub is more kitten like, she runs around plays more and is more affectionate than she has ever been. I guess not having a sore inflamed and angry colon make for a new Kitteh!  This food is more expensive than a lot of foods, but what price can you put on your companion’s health? Also she is actually eating less now, this is because more of the food is digestible and not just filler which goes in one end and out the other. Offering zero nutrition along the way. So maybe in the long run is is the same price as other cheaper foods. cats are NOT Vegetarians they are carnivores, so feeding a grain heavy diet is unhealthy and if you are a vegetarian keep that to you and not your pet for the love of Jebus.

Veterinarian Pet Food Ponzi Scheme

Guilt Always Gets the Stain of Cash Out

You are at your Vet and they say, fluffy has some health issues and needs a prescription food, and you out of guilt and not wanting fluffy to go tits up because you are cheap buy the food that is conveniently located in the vet’s waiting room. You ever wonder how every dog and cat is well enough to not get treatment but sick enough to need this special Rx food? Why? It is a scam of epic proportions. There are basically three or four pet food companies who will buy up smaller brands and still market them but still push their own brands with, guilt, fear and lack of education. This is so deep in Vet culture that at Veterinarian Schools the university does not teach pet nutrition, they allow these pet food makers to run them, Not only that but they also give cash to vet students to buy their silence and loyalty. Other perks include vacations, laptops and other swag. They make big Pharma look like they have morals. Also Vet licensing is not what you think, in many places, British Columbia included, Veterinary Medical Licences are not regulated or run by the Government. But from private Veterinarian Associations. The College of Veterinarians of British Columbia is a private not for profit org which licences all BC Vets. They are so corrupt that they will blackball vets who do not tow the company line, charge outside of the rates set by this board in private or suggest pet foods which the pet food companies dictate to the org. This is run like a secret society who will oust vets who stand up for the truth or want to charge reasonable and competitive rates. They will also deny licences for vets who do not follow or deny renewal for Vets who act outside the company line. So just be aware that your Vet may not have your or your pet’s best interest, many do, by skirting the Cabal’s line but not so much as to be blackballed.

“The Lighter Side of Gravity, Opiates, Bone Cancer & A Somewhat Defective Brain”

This is the Evil Bitty Woodland creature who lives in my spine.

I am floating and I can’t get up…….or never let a paramedic see you naked. For 4 or so odd months now the small bitty woodland creature who resides inside my spine with the bad sense of timing that only surpassed by a Mormon standup comic will appear and turn me into a man who can one minute have wild monkey sex, into Christopher Reeve’s somewhat insane step brother.  I can in a period of a hour go from walking like a boss to a boneless meat puppet. Three days of increased spinal pain so bad that my surgeon bumped up my next surgery to Tuesday and bump me up to enough opiates (12 Mg of Dilaudid every 4 hours) to make a bus full of 1970′s Rolling Stones roadies go “No Mas” I found myself naked looking up at a large female paramedic while trapped in my bathtub.

It all started after I took my bedtime dose of drooly woodland spine creature sleeping pills. I awoke to my bed, my cat Chub Chub and myself soaking wet in what was a river of my own pee. Once of the effects of the advancement of the tumors on my lower spine is urinary incontinence. It comes and goes with the reliability of the New Orleans 8th Ward levees. So I decided to take a bubble bath to clean myself off of pee and shame. After soaking and drifting in and out of a opiate sleep I realized that I could not get out of the tub.

Rub-A-Dub-Dub a trapped aroused badger in a tub

Gravity, medication and nerve damage all had a party and said, “Badger I hope you like being a prune because you are going to be here for a while, love the 3 donkeys of the vertebrae apocalypse.” So here I was trapped in a prison of mango bubble bath soap. In my drugged up stupor I did bring my phone to the tub so I could play Star Wars Angry Birds while washing my nasty ass. (OH but it gets worse! Keep reading) But who to call? My friend Val on the 20th floor? no I was not comfy let her see me in this state. Do I call one of my best friends who earlier in the day my drugged up insanity yelled at and insulted for no good reason? Nope they live too far away.  My only option was “911″, but there was one “Growing” and embarrassing problem……

Help I have fallen and I have gotten it up!

You see one of the issues with the bones which have grown against my nerves in my spine is that sometimes I get a raging erection. A erection which can and has lasted for a hour, which if I was having wild monkey sex would be great. But when trapped in a bathtub naked unable to get yourself out is another. So I sat in my tub for 30 minutes praying my inconvenient arousal would go the fuck away. So you would think, Steven just take care of business and business will take care of it’s self, and you would be wrong it had zero effect. This boxer refused to be knocked out after a lengthy battle in the ring.

So while being stared at awkwardly by my cat and in full on shame I called 911. It was a non emergency call  they arrived a little bit latter and the building manager let them in my apt. Soon myself and my saluting genitals were looking up at a very large middle aged man and a young lady paramedic. who were nice enough to grab a towel off my rack for me to swaddle myself in while they extricated me from my pool of shame. I convinced them once in my bed that I did not need to go to hospital for this and agreed to only shower between now and my surgery day.

Cheers from Viagraland!

This whole event was actually funny, and to some degree a break from the relentless beating that the pain from my condition brings me. This pain triggers not only what you would expect from it but in my case it stops most rational emotional response. It can make disappear any and all emotional progress that I have achieved with my over a year with DBT therapy. This fact had as recently as earlier in the day reared it’s ugly and destructive head. My therapist though told me give myself a break and understand that this is not a sign of my regression into my mental illness but is a sad effect of my physical pain and stress about my cancer and my up coming therapeutic surgery.

All in all, I can see the humor in tonight’s watery circus and my bad choice of choosing a bubble bath while alone with nothing but a cat, an erection gone rogue and a head full of pain meds. Never have I welcomed surgery so pruny and mango scented.

How Do You Say Goodbye To The Mother Who Denies You Are Her Child?

Mum in Better years when I was not her son she was on her meds and she loved me

I do not talk about this chapter in my life much or confide in anyone for that matter because it is still too much of painful wound. So many have had dysfunctional relationships with one parent or another. My adopted Mum and I were close, we fought, we made up and in the end our relationship was one of reconciliation and Love. Adele my  adopted mother was a wonderful woman, and at the end of her life we were able to forgive each other for our transgressions and perceived mutual hurt. She came to accept me and my mental illnesses in the last 7 years of her life. We became closer than we ever were seeing each other with love and acceptance. My heart was at peace when she died because of this healing. Later I would come to find out who my birth mother was and she was family, my aunt, my father’s sister.

My Aunt was always my favorite even before I knew or suspected that she was the one who gave birth to me. She always treated me with amazing kindness and encouragement. That was until two events happened….

The Genetic Gift of Crazy

Rise of Mum’s madness

My birth mom is nuts, like me, but unlike me I found out was sinking deeper into her mental illness. You see she not only also suffered from some of the genetic gifts she gave me like, Bipolar Disorder and possibly Borderline Personality disorder (As she was never diagnosed with this but while talking to my cousin who is actually my brother we came to that conclusion as well).  You see Mum also has Schizoaffective Disorder which may have helped her as a artist but also has got progressively worse leading her to abandon reality. I am blessed I guess that I never got this gift from her as well.

The other event was me discovering that she is my birth mum, this has haunted her all her life, maybe from shame or maybe because she handed me the most difficult hurdles I have had in my life.  She since me finding out has denied me access to her, using my cousin who is now my sister as a wedge against us uniting or at least talking. Her illness and shame left her hating me, verbally blaming me for her suffering and downward spiral. This epic emotional rejection has fractured the gossamer like threads I had with any of my remaining family. Leaving me on the outside of the remaining island of any family I had left. Even my brother who wants to get closer to me cannot out of loyalty to his mum, sister and father. In my search for closure I have been shut out like a family personal demon.

While I struggle with this and I do and have since this discovery, to such a point as I make every attempt to hide the pain from my closest friends and therapists as the pain is too real and too close to my fear of abandonment. This is not about a emotional pity party but I have lost so much in my life, more than most that this issue cuts me so deep and when I face it leaves me feeling so very utterly alone. From my own mental illness which stripped away a good portion of my teen years, to the death of my amazing wife who was probably the only women to love me unconditionally outside of my adopted mum. To the past year of painful growth to overcome my Borderline Personality Disorder. There is no surprise that this cuts so deep.

Some of Mum’s Paintings

    Mum is Dying and is Mad as a Hatter

Later Painting When Spirituality Left and Mental Illness Took Over

I got word on Monday that my birth mom is dying and she is in a perm assisted living community for elderly seniors. My brother tells me that she thinks I am trying to kill her.  I am going to lose another mother, usually you only lose one, and I will never be able to tell her that I love her and miss her. I will never be able to say, “It is okay you gave your brother the most amazing gift and that gift was me”. I cannot share with her how much I admired her growing up or that I do not hold a grudge against her. I will never be able to hold her and say goodbye, mental illness took this chance from me.

This week has been utter shit emotionally, I have been lucky to spend some time with people I truly love and care for and those moments help even if I did not share my pain. To those who were there with me Thank You. I am also sorry to my friends and those who love and care about me for not letting you into this corner of my pain. I just cannot share this part of my mental illness currently out of fear of it being too much for any of you to handle or just one more reason to see me as being no different from my Mum. What she is going through is also a fear of mine. I know I am nowhere near as sick as she is, nor will I ever be. Yet I know the isolation that comes from the stigma of mental illness. I also know that I can be ruled by this fear but not anymore because this year I learned not to be like the mum I can never say goodbye to.

I will now return to not discussing this again until she passes, because I love you Sofia & Harris.

Best Android Phones For All Budgets & On-Off Contract Part 1 Flagships

I am soon launching my mobile review website but I thought I would test drive a post on here first. I am choosing in this post not to review the iPhone 5 as there is already so much out there on this phone and consumers know it well. The issue people have is when buying a non iOS device especially android there are so many phones to choose from that they become overwhelmed. What is good? What is Bad? What fits my needs and or my budget? Should I buy on contract or off? So I will give my opinion as to which android phones are the best buys on the market for each budget and which is better to  buy on or off contract. I do feel that it is always better for the consumer to buy a phone off contract if they can afford to. If gives you carrier freedom especially if you buy a unlocked phone or get your phone unlocked.

One of the reasons I love Android is that it is scale able and comes in different form factors, screen sizes and price ranges. This levels the playing field somewhat, allowing many more people access to a true smartphone no matter what their budget or geekiness may be unlike iOS which is only Apple and if you are not buying used you are stuck with a smal range of devices.

 

SuperPhones! 

These phones are on the cutting edge of android’s technology and are fairly future proof for at least the duration of your contract or close to it. They are powerful, feature rich and usually more expensive making it difficult for many to afford outright. But can be had used on Craigslist at a good savings if you know what to look out for.

Samsung Galaxy S III: $599 to $650 off contract / Free to $199 on Contract

This is Sammy’s latest flagship phone, it sports and amazing 4.8in AMOLED Screen (AMOLED offers very rich deep blacks and virbant colours) which is true 720p HD, a 8mp camera and slew of features which are on par or exceeds the iPhone, though that is very subjective.

Pros: Large Beautiful Screen, Quad Core Processor which will not lag for pretty much anything you throw at it, S-Voice (Siri) and removable Battery. LTE data speeds where available Large but manageable due to small bezel Android 4.0.1 ICS will upgrade to 4.1.0 Jelly Bean

Cons: Expensive off contract, Plastic and cheapish feeling although it is very durable it just appears cheap. Screen is not best in class, Samsung’s ugly theme Touch Wiz which looks like older android OS and takes away from the beauty of Ice Cream Sandwich

Buy or Don’t Buy? I highly recommend this phone for anyone looking for a top of the line phone, that will not be outdated in a year.  Samsung support is great and the online community is large and vocal. Most affordable on contract, you can buy on craigslist they are everywhere, but be careful. There are many stolen phones on Craigslist even Brand New in Box, some of these are stolen right from stores. So demand to see the receipt. If the price is too good to be true, it probably is and should always come with box. Phones without boxes and chargers are probably stolen.

 

HTC One X: $575 Off Contract / Free to $79 on contract but would only buy if free or $20

IMHO this phone is superior to the much marketed Galaxy S III, The One X has the best screen bar none on any smartphone on the market today, even nicer than the iPhone Retina Display.  The One X has a beautiful poly-carbonate unibody with a non removable battery. The build quality is Apple high end and you will never feel like this phone will fall apart. This also has the best camera on any android currently on the market, this mixed with HTC’s Sense UI overlay on android which is the best manufacturer UI on the market makes this the best Android today. I have owned one and nothing yet has come close to beating it. It sports a quadcore processor and beats audio.

Pros: Breathtaking Screen 720p true HD, best on any smartphone, Build Quality second to none, amazing camera, Sense UI

Cons: Non removable battery, or SD memory card. Camera protrudes and could get scratched.

Buy or Don’t Buy? I recommend this over the Samsung S III or a iphone 5. It is just plain that amazing. You can get it for a decent price on craigslist as people want the Samsung SIII because of slick marketing ( The SIII is still a great phone and you will not be sorry with it) and it came out three months before the SIII so early adopter and rapid phone flipper’s loss your big win.

 

Samsung Galaxy Nexus: $300 to $450 off Contract / Free to $29 on contract.

The Galaxy Nexus is a year old, but still a powerhouse. If you do not already know all “Nexus” devices are factory unlocked, Pentaband ( Will work on any carrier anywhere) and are always the first updated from Google. So Nexus phones are more future proof than other phones. While it may lack in processor power, it is still smooth as butter it makes up for in that you can take it anywhere throw a sim card in it and it will work. It is not LTE but HSPA+ which for most people is fine. The screen is 4.5in HD AMOLED and it is thin. The new Nexus comes out at the end of the month so this phone is a real bargain in the superphone family. People are still using the first generation Nexus phones.

Pros: Nexus (Google) Device will always be updated first, Already comes with android 4.1.1 Jelly Bean, Nice screen, No hardware buttons on screen. Will work anywhere with any sim card and factory unlocked.

Cons: 5Mp camera which is not best in class at the moment, Non expandable memory, A year old, No LTE, New Nexus comes out next month.

Buy or Don’t Buy: Off contract or buying outright there is no better deal on a phone of this quality and the fact that they are unlocked gives you total carrier freedom. If you travel it is true world phone, just buy a local pay as you go sim card and you are set no roaming fees. You can buy this phone right on the US Google Play Store for $399 and it is available all over craigslist. Even if you just need a phone for business travel for this price you cannot go wrong.

 

You will not go wrong with any of these three flagship phone. They will meet the needs of pretty much any power user or person who is looking for the best tech available. The Nexus is a great buy for budget or mid priced consumers looking for a high performance phone and a great price. But I must only recommend the HTC One X, or the Samsung Galaxy S III for you serious power users.

Next post will be Mid Range Phones!

“Furry Therapy”, Pets and Mental Illness

Curie The Wonder Kitteh!!

Some of the biggest obstacles to people living with a Mental Illness are loneliness, isolation and anxiety. These emotions each on their own can be crippling to a persons self esteem and can become barriers to become well or maintaining  a quality of life.  Many people have few or strained interpersonal relationships and have few outlets for emotional support. Psychiatric professionals today tend to lean more on pharmacology and less on therapy leaving the client well medicated but without supports to improve quality of life.

 

Gusgreeper’s Crazy Ass “Roy”

For those who grew up with companion animals know all too well the mood lifting gift that they bring to a persons life. Many healthcare  facilities have even integrated pet therapy for patients especially in long term care or hospice.  Sadly mental health has been slower on this front. Few hospitals have a pet therapy program in place, even when all evidence shows that animals can speed up recovery, by reducing stress, anxiety and can lift even a deeply depressed patient into warm interaction and a feeling of being important.

“Lucy-Pooshy” The Miller Girls amazing Pooch of Boundless Love

Companion animals do not judge, especially rescue animals. In return for loving care, attention, food and shelter will bestow upon us humans with love and acceptance ten fold what we give them. They will not judge us when we have not showered for a week. They do not remind us of personal mistakes and missteps we made while ill. They are non judgemental balls of love who never ask us, “Have You Taken Your Meds Today?”

More “Curie” or “Chub Chub the Special Kitteh”

Since adopting my cat Curie last November I noticed that I have not had a re-emergence of my depression, or required hospitalization, even though some of things that could have triggered such events were still present during this time.  Never a day goes by that my not so little ball of lazy fur does not give me a smile. When I need quiet time or a nap she is always willing to join me.  She can sense when I am down or in pain and will seek me out to cuddle or play. All she asks for in return is that I feed her, love her, change her litter box and make her feel safe. In return I get unconditional love. I am greeted when I get home and asked to just be her companion.

A companion animal does not need to be some expensive pure breed dog or cat, there are plenty of rescue animals available.  You do not even need a puppy or a kitten if you are not  up for all that high energy. Sadly there are way too many adult or senior cats and dogs needing a forever home, and they will offer the same love and a quieter love than a crazy ass puppy or kitten.

Some things to remember and take very seriously before adopting a companion animal, they are a commitment a serious one at that for the life of them. It is not something  to  be taken lightly. If you are thinking of adopting and for many it is a great choice, please discuss this with your doctor, therapist and family if you have any. Maybe you love dogs? But maybe a dog is not the right choice for your health or lifestyle, so think about a cat. Maybe  you need to be more active, maybe you isolate too much, then a dog may be a better choice as they need to go on walks, and get exercise, they also open up social possibilities with others as dogs and dog owners tend to be social and usually looking for other like minded people.

There is also cost to think about, while not cheap a pet depending on type, breed and age offer a wide spectrum of affordability. If you have never had a companion animal then maybe volunteer at a shelter till you become comfortable enough to adopt. You can also foster care them, while you may never be their forever home, you are providing a possibly life saving temporary home and helping a animal develop skills which will make their forever home a better place. This is a great option if you are unsure if you can care for a pet for it’s life and is a great way to see if you are indeed ready to be a full time mum or dad to a furry friend.

You may even be able to get your vet to prescribe a dog or cat as a therapy service animal for you. Which will allow you to keep them even if your building or home does not allow pets.

I cannot speak enough about the gifts that Curie has given me, she has in so many ways improved my quality of life, lowered my stress and anxiety and has made me feel so very loved and appreciated.  They want to love us and need us to love them just as much as we want their love. It is pure, simple and true. Their is no agenda no judgement just love.  If you feel you could benefit from a companion animal they by all means explore your options.

BTW, it is not only cats and dogs which offer this gift, Rats make amazing pets, they are smart, very social and gentle. You can also get a ferret or a small bird or parrot.  My way of honouring the loving gift of my furry companion is to share with others what she has given me and what my friends who have companions as well receive from their pets.

This post is dedicated to not only my kitteh Curie, but to my fiends pets, Roy, Lucy, Maverick, Bob,  and others who bring healing  joy daily to their humans.

I live in a Human Sous-vide

Bitch fan hogging cat in my human crock pot apartment

 

All you bastards in Vancouver prayed for summer..blah..wahh. Now it is here and I blame all of your collective prayers and passive aggressive anti rain tweets for my cooking in my own juices. To be clear I live on the 17th floor of a East facing concrete building, err Sous-Vide or for you simple folk a fancy French Crock Pot which in my case boils humans!

Here is how my summer of crotch soup days evolve;

4:30 am sun appears to mock me as it just got cool enough to even think of sleep

5:30 am That bastard sun is pre-heating my building and soon hell begins

9:30 am I awake to the sight of Curie the Narcoleptic Kitty breaking into spontaneous flames!

11:30 am The end is near, I am getting dizzy now and adding some carrots and kale to the soup in my underwear.

2:00 pm I am now hallucinating and taking to a squirrel in my hamper. Curie goes all cunt and hogs the fan, as cats will do.

4:00pm to 11:00 pm Too hot to remember the events in these hours but my crotch soup is coming along. I think a line of hobos are    lining up for a taste.

1:00 am it has dropped below the melting temperature of glass now, so selfish cat wants to cuddle. Fuck you selfish cat don;t touch me.

 

That is my usual day now. I am going to buy a window air conditioner because it is really fucking hot and worse with my meds. If anyone wants some organic soup I have gallons to spare.